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Based on this, and in particular, what you said and didn't say about your husband, I would say you two need to talk. before you get another woman involved. Even without the attraction, it sounds like you're not sure about the marriage thing, and that's something he needs to know. I would soul-search "need to work within those means". Duty and responsibility have to have good reasons for them, otherwise it becomes living life on autopilot. That's not fair to anybody. It is possible to do a polyamorous relationship model where you have two partners, both involved with you but not with each other (a "vee") and some poly folk manage to make it work with marriage. You say you don't want to put someone in the position of being 2nd. That's good, but it does not remove the reality of the weight of sociopolitical approval heaped on your heterosexual relationship in contrast to the utter lack of the same in your relationship with a woman. Do not underestimate how big of a deal this is; over the term, it can poison even the best of intentions, and polyfolk aren't more immune to heterosexist behavior than anyone. Also don't underestimate the effect of a lack of overall relationship experience too. A lot of people make the mistake of thinking it's easier to be poly because they get to have it all, or marriage itself is a solution and they can just add plug 'n' play options to it. It doesn't work that way. The ones who do make it work often already have a trainwreck or under their belt. If you decide to follow through with this while remaining married, at least be upfront with yourself and everyone about the fundamental inequalities involved. If you're looking for an answer where you can just have both, with one being the public face and one the private face, I don't think that's going to happen without causing a great deal of pain, especially in the term. Rare is the woman who put up with that arrangement (or you lucked out on someone naive), and they can afford to be much choosier than anyone looking for them. Whatever the case, any big decision is going to be harder to make with the more time elapsed, so best to figure it out in order to mitigate the pain. Do what is most honorable while remaining true to yourself, and make amends where you can. Talking to a counselor first might help too. Sexy ladies looking nsa Fairbanks Alaska
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